Megan Meghan Meaghan Meagan Meygen Megan

I really can't be friends with other 'Megans'. The very first one I met I thought was a total bitch and this was in elementary school. Not that I think all Megans are bitches but.. idk I've just always had a problem with them.

Roots of Anxiety?

Damnit, I'm going to Splish Splash on Wednesday and this weekend I might be going to the music festival at the Seaport (manhattan). Why can't I just have fun and look forward to good things? I'm so open to the possibility disappointment or something going wrong, in anything I want to do, that now it's caused me to be on edge all the time. This is the large chunk of anxiety I've been so steeped in for so long (I get it now)! Desperately hope I overcome this soon!

In other news, after spending some time with a cool employee guy, I had gotten the job at the Citizens Campaign for the Environment. Although I wasn't as good at canvassing as I'd expected. I can't take it up however due to transportation issues and parents being disagreeable (big surprise). Guess the job goes on... (my friend got a job there too. I really hope she sticks with it!)

Non-profit Stakeout

  So tomorrow I have my second appointment with the Citizens Campaign for the Environment. It was rescheduled twice for some silly reasons. The hours however make me rethink about taking the job. Don't know how I'm gonna get home after 10pm promptly but the pay seems good and I think they just might hire me.
  If I don't end up working for them though at least I gained the awareness that there are non-profits out there that are hiring (work I can do for a good cause) and that they accept students or people with minimal experience in anything.
  More good news is that, in case this falls through, I did find a few other campaign groups looking to hire in Manhattan. They also seem to offer good pay and support things I care about such as GLBT rights and the environment. I just have to prepare some personal statements about why I want to work for them and then on Saturday I'll try to make it a point to start applying. Really hope I find a job within one of these groups soon!

Profession and social standing

Valid during several weeks: This is a time when you should turn your attention to the most outward aspects of your life - your career, your role in the larger society and your standing and reputation within the community. You should also take this time to examine your life as a whole and see if you are going in the direction you want and making adequate progress in your life. This transit is future oriented rather than past oriented. You may have to deal with elements of your past, but only to make corrections so that you can plan more intelligently for the future. The only real danger of this transit is that if you have done something wrong or in a slipshod fashion it may be exposed now and trip you up in unpleasant ways. It would be a very good idea to look over your life and correct any situations that might give you problems in this way.

It's cool because I was just starting to feel that anxious concern for my future again, then I checked my horoscope and here this was. I just got home from spending some time in manhattan/staten island with family friends and it feels a bit surreal to be  home again. Good news is is that I made some good clothing item purchases and a new phone that will hopefully help me feel like I can get my life is back on track (or just feel comfortable with it anyway).

The part towards the end does tend to bother because that sort of thing has happened to me before. I'm sure things have come back to bite other people but that part of the passage feels eerily familiar and very plausible right now. Suppose the only assurance I have is if I can look back now and think of anything that might trip me up soon.

Am I making adequate progress in my life? I'm not quite sure of that yet. Sometimes I think about what I have done or been doing or have been concerned with (super concerned about future), I feel like I am. However sometimes I get the sense I'm not because in reality I don't think I've accomplished much (though that could just be my impatience). Right now, reapplying to schools is a major concern. Although, considering my CUNY applications are squared away and Spring 2012 SUNY semester apps won't be available for a bit, that really shouldn't weigh on my mind much too much. Next thing is finding an adequate job. I'm very interested in maybe working for the Citizens Campaign for the Environment in Farmingdale but it might just be too far and the hours just might be too weird for it to be the best viable option for me.

Hopefully, when, or if, I get to go back there with a friend tomorrow that I'll have more perspective about the idea. Finally getting a paying job may give my life more shape before I start going to school again.

Getting Back On Track

Business communication

Valid during several weeks: Under this influence you should make plans concerning your professional life or the equivalent area of your life. Think about what you have been doing along these lines and whether or not it is working out as you want it to. If necessary, plan to make changes that will improve it for you. This is also a favorable time to talk to superiors, bosses or employers about your work and how you may advance in your job. This may or may not be a good time for actually trying to get a promotion, depending on other factors. But you can use this time to find the best way to go about getting a promotion. During this time you may also become involved with the part of your business that involves communicating with the outside world, either through advertising or through contract negotiations

--astro.com
I'm glad to see this one. I was just thinking that I have to get back to finding out what I'm doing this summer and until I go school. Need a job and to finish reapplying for schools before I can start making plans for anything else significant..(such as volunteering, or interning or special trips). Think I'll finally try to make that google calendar for all my business stuff tomorrow and check up on my CUNY stuff soon. So much to do it feels like. Mostly because I haven't really finished doing any of it.

Wordpress Interlude

  Haha, so that ended up being a flop! Not to mention I ended up full circle right back to blogger. I'd had dabbled and signed up for Wordpress before but that was a long time ago. Forgot that you need to pay for a lot of basic things. Generally don't mind a site that offers extra "paid" features but $30 bucks to just customize my page? No way bro.
  Wordpress is pretty affordable though and has a good reputation for a reason but I'm not a consistent enough blogger to be doling out the cash. Hopefully my life will be interesting enough (and I stop being a sucky writer) that that will change in the future though.

Testing - blog repost

Just got yelled at by "step dad" for losing a textbook last year (gonna cost $77 bucks ugh!). He was freaking raving mad, yelling, saying "I'M NOT PAYING IT!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T GRADUATE!!". Then I said "I'LL PAY FOR IT.. damn!" and he comes freaking stomping up the stairs, kicking my door open, like "DON'T DAMN ME! BLAHBLAH YOU HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE AS YOUR MOTHER BLAH BLAH I SHOULD KICK THE BOTH OF YOU OUT BLAH BLAH!"
What a social tard. Like what the hell does he expect if he's yelling shit saying he doesn't care if I graduate? Does he expect me to cry and beg!? "Oh no, please no, master of deh house and all moniess!!"
Thank god I do have the money at least . It really still sucks though because that's a big dent in my savings and it's such a stupid thing to have to spend it on. Hopefully I can get a freaking job soon >.<. Need money for college .
Fortunately this just may be the kick in the butt I need to move out and in with someone who has offered. The only thing that's been holding me back really is causing too much of a stirr (and I'm sure it still will) but maybe I won't care as much if everyone here really is being an asshole. I'll have to wait until tomorrow or a little later though to really decide because this might just be a momentary feeling. I just dread the drama of having my parents see a U-Haul pull up suddenly, one day. Not to mention, my boyfriend making me feel guilty about moving farther away or doing anything with my life. I suppose I do something similar to him though.